// Coming 2026 — Peninsula Publishing

Geeks GuidetoGirls

G3  ·  GQubed

Dating advice written in legacy code.
Procedural. Systematic. Slightly outdated.
Still somehow functional.

ASSESS MY GQ →

// 16 questions

// dating.exe --help
IF (circuit.isClosed()) AND Sober.Pashing
  THEN Girlfriend(Person) = True
ELSE
  friendBin.add(person)
  // ask if she has single friends

Notify me when it's available

// no spam. ever. Theory 22 applies.

Dr Tim O'Neill
Engineer  ·  Overthinker  ·  Hopeful Romantic
Coming 2026
Geeks' Guide to Girls book cover
22Theories
9Chapter pairs
1Epilogue
5Days
20+Years later

// What it is

A geek wrote a dating guide, and asked the universe for help.
Five days later he got his answer.

In September 2005, a 34-year-old engineer in Sydney sat down and wrote twenty-two theories about attraction, connection, and the girlfriend function. On the 1st of October he settled on a title. On the 6th of October, the system was tested in the field.

“Nothing in life is simple… except true love.”

G³ is nine pairs of chapters — each theory chapter written in 2005, preserved as legacy code, paired with a practice chapter written twenty years later. The gap between those two voices is where the book lives.

Not quite self-help. Not quite memoir. Not quite comedy. All three, in a bathrobe, holding a martini.

// Selected theories

Twenty-two theories.
One Girlfriend function.

THEORY 01
Nothing in life is simple… except true love.
THEORY 03
Fair game is one and a half degrees of separation.
THEORY 12
Not 1,000 words. Two.
THEORY 13
It's all about Punchiness anyway.
THEORY 15
Girlfriend bin or Friend bin. Closed circuit or open.
THEORY 18
"It" is on when you're Sober.Pashing.
THEORY 19
Tell the Flatmate after — anything.
THEORY 22
Tell the Exes — nothing.

// Know your GQ

What's your
Girlfriend Quotient?

Like IQ or EQ, your GQ measures how well-calibrated you are. Unlike IQ, it is entirely improvable. The quiz covers all nine chapter pairs — from circuit determination speed to Tell function threshold awareness.

Your result is expressed as a Windows OS version. Aim for Windows 7. Try not to be Windows ME.

ASSESS MY GQ →

// 16 questions · 8 chapters · one result

Windows MEUnstable. Crashes unexpectedly. Needs a full reinstall.
Windows XPSolid. Reliable. Getting the job done. Room to grow.
Windows VistaLooked good in theory. Execution needs work.
Windows 7Awesome. Stable. This is what you're aiming for.